'Tis the Season

Ahh tis most favoured season!
No, most favoured season is Birthdays - July!
Ok second most favoured season.
No, that makes Halloween.
OK... third most...
Christmas...
OK... Power Washing season most favoured season without candy.

Does this Robe Make Me Look Fat?

Methinks this robe makes my задний look big.... Reflection not sure flattering my best .... Mmm mayhap I try new style?  Or colour?  What observation you have, Vladimir?  Does robe make me look жир?  Vladimir?  Vladimir?

Me? Hmm?  Oh!  Regard! A squirrel!  

Every year is Year of the Gnome!

Regard Year of The Gnome!

Again? 

Yes, truly unusual!  Most assuredly we special.

With meteors over homeland, too!

Yes, truly we blaze, we dazzle!

Gnegotiation

Verily we gnegotiating tricky business of Porch Space Allocating.

Front Steps represent Primest Real Estate for Winter Season.

Emissary quite persuading ....and patient... we consideration him...

 OH NO!!  Something we say?

Speak to We!

Truly we receive Cold Shoulder!

Epic

The ice pile recedeth!  We see clearly now, the snow be gone...

EPIC snow! 

We hold fort during Epic Blizzard.  We steadfast ... neither wind nor rain nor....

EPIC snow...

We dauntless. 

We EPIC...

Oh, the Pressure! The Pressure!

We faint from ecstasy!  We palpitate! We breathless! We.... speechless! 

Verily we await "Rites of Spring" and "Season of Scouring" with anticipation, and some bit impatience!

Oh... to grip wand and experience surge of pressure.....ahhh.

Mayhap we need not to await for Spring... mayhap Winter Cleaning Ritual commence...

Gnu Year Wishes

We down for count to new year!  2013 we arrive soon!

Uh...methinks expression is "countdown".  Down for count verily signify something... else.

Ah, truly then we count down to new year!  We have much gusto!  And beignet wishes.

Beignet wishes?  With powder sugar?

No, beignet wishes -  for peace on earth, good will toward human and gnomes, more chocolate for all...

Benign wishes...?

Yes, those too.

Hoodlum

Oh look!  A smallish visitor!

Hmmmf!  Small annoying pointy creature.

Truly hood is pointy!

Methinks hood dis proportioned!   Mayhap he compensating...?

Dark Matter

We swath in Dark Matter.

Yes, verily we Dark.

Dark...dark...dark.

темный...темный...темный.

Hmmm.  Mayhap flowers clash on our Dark theme...

Hmmm yes.  Probably we best lose flowers...

Oh, the irony, the IRONY!

Hmm.

Hmmm.

We discover stealth hiding place of attractive power washer...

But, alack, we unable to reach handle to open door...

A thousand curses at our vertically challenged ancestral DNA...

Seek and ye shall Find

Ah HA!

After much seeking and suspicion we stealth discover hiding place of power washer!

Oh ho, now we aid and abet spring cleaning!

Truly it wants that we find it.

Mayhap actually it discovers we!

Pi-kus

Piku for Pi Day:

Blueberry, cherry
Pi finds area of Pies
Magic ratio

PiGnomes

No, not "Pig Gnomes"...today we celebrate Pie Day!  Regard us our Pie!

*ahem!* Pi Day. We regarding a Pi Pie!

How it looks deliciously at us.  Mayhap we take some small slice?

Certainly we trade small slice for Pi haiku...

ParaGnoming

We paraGnomes! We paraGnomes!

We sideblinded when hoods catch wind!  We fly with no gravitas!

Hold rope, we catch BIG AIR!

Truly we full of air! We make wind!

Wind Socks

Oh nooooo... now we slanty the other waaaaay!

Yes hoods catch wind like sails!

Soon we be ParaGnomes!  Defiant to Gravitas!

Gusty Gnomes

So much windyness!  We gnearly blow away!

Weather plethora gusty -- we befeebled from hanging tight to furniture.  Our fingers remain clenching, like stone! 

Yes, we anchor furniture from making sail.

Mayhap we bowed permanently, like trees, from harsh wind.  We attempt orthotical posture....

Family Trees!

Truly they resembling us well!

Yes indeed, though some bit more tall.

And more slim...

Mayhap we have ROOTS more tall and slim!

Hyper Boles

No, we gnot sulking, we hypernating!  Mayhap our absence inducts Gnome-Appreciation sensation.

HIBernating! We in state of hibernation.

No, we in state of Massachusetts.  People's Republik of Cambridge if we exacting.  We hypernating during winter season of ignoramusing us..

Mayhap you mean ignoring us....

...as we prevented from blogging with fandom.  Truly we censored...

Truly you getting fat and oddly strange.  Mayhap you need exercise!

Ayeeee, such a long season, winter.  Yes we exorcise cold weather; hypernation stirring us crazy!

Attactics

Favourite gift: Hefty Instruction Manual prepare for attack of tacky Red-Hat Garden Gnomes.

Attacky Garden Gnomes.

Yes Red-hatted Gnew World gnomes...gnomes-come-lately...

We original Olde Worlde Gothic Gnomes... authentical gnomes.

They... usurp...

We prepare to defend!

Father Frost & Snegurochka

Aggh!  Дед Мороз and Снегурочка arrive by stealth while we asleeping!

We exert to remain awake to receive them, but we cannot remain eyes wide all gnight.

But happily they leave by with подарки!  We belt carols... you join me in Tri belyh konya? 

Rather we sing Pesnya Deda Moroza  instead?!

Enter the Chocolate Gnome

Behemouth chocolate gnome arrives! Regard rich chocolatey chocolate!

Smell rich chocolatey chocolate...

Truly Christmas commence with chocolate...

...and terminate with presents!

*Yawn!* We struggle to remain awake!

Mayhap we eat behemouthy chocolate to remain us awake!

'Twas the gnight before Orthodox Christmas

Tis the gnight before Orthodox Christmas and all 'round the yard...
Gnot a creature is stirring, except two plethora obedient loyal trustworthy honorable gnomes who work very hard...

Truly we deserving of many gifts and presents!

 Gifts and presents?

Yes, and chocolates...! OH, hardly we sleep, we so excitable!

The Year of the Gnome

Happy Gnew Year!

Yes, truly 2012 belong to we!

2012 designation Year of the Gnome!

Fortune smile upon we; Gnomes everywhere bask in слава! 

Our Time Comes!

Be-having

Mmmft!  so gnot funny, Vladimir!  I see gnothing!

Ah haha, truly you funnyish with gno head.

Mayhap I design you gno head... awesome behaving especially important this season.  Prank not or we receive coal as receivable in stockings!

Oh! Oh! Yes! Estimable reminder of opportunistic opportunity to admirable behaviour... what shall we do to curry favours? 

Fa La La La La

Regard us our spifft Santa Hats!

Yes we acquire seasonal Joy and Joyness!

Mayhap we acquire us seasonal GIFTS to accompany our Joy and Joyness...

Yes, truly we behave angelic... no carbon lumps for we...!  (Make gno mention of power washer incidentals...)

Odyssey from Occupying

Finally we return home!

As Odysseus from Troy, we wonder lengthy time...memoryless and... 

*Ahem!* Odysseus wandering, not wondering!

What!?!?

He wander home from Troy - Lotus Eaters, Cyclops, Sirens...plethora troubles.

Truly?  Methought he wondering (amnesiac, like own selves)! Forgot how to get home to Ithaca for decade!

Mmm yes, certain he wander ten years, not wonder ten years.

Occupation Gnomes

We Occupying.  Occupying such stylish now.  We quite fashionable with Occupation.

Yes truly we Occupy on behalf of all Occupiers.

Yes Occupiers have much grievances to Occupees. 

Occupees?

Yes, those against whom Occupyers occupy....

Ah, yes.  If only we able to remember who occupy what!

Total un-Recall

No no we not fakers... we genuinely amneezed selves!

No, indeed... "we" not fakers, you faker!

We plethora amneezed, as such we forget birthday of our own human!  Truly we ungracious gnomes!

You ungracious!  I excused for amneezing myself.... truly you some bit annoying me, whoever you are!

Hedge-jacking Amnesia

Yes tragically I experience complete memory evaporating -- which render me truly innocent from hedge-jacking hi-jinx.

So you pleading innocent by insanity?

Ex-actly! I insanely innocent!  Truly I insane... Poor woeful Vladimir!  He amnesia victim.... like yourself...

Wait... you recalling own self name!  And you recalling I amnesial -- You have gnot memory evaporation!  You... faker!

Caught Red-Hooded

Methinks you caught red-hooded!  Dissemble no more - you busted - not framed!

Ah ah ah... I know gnothing of this entropic rubble! Bewilderment is I!  Truly my mind void - as like Robert Ludlum Boring Identity -- blank but in plethora trouble!

Indeed plethora ... now we both amnesial!

Oh! and you, small hooded one, who...who are you?  Ohhh I remember gnothing!

Framed!!!

Aggh!  How arrives smoking-hedge-trimmer-of-death to my own foot?  Who likely perpetrate such deed of dastardliness?  We looking bad...

We looking bad? WE looking bad??  Vicinity manifest no other visible perpetrator... verily, you only hypothetic perpetrator!

No no! Truly I... framed!

The Smoking Gun

Whaa... what happen?  Someone invade to do gigantuan mess!

Someone?

Regard volume of shrubberies massacred...truly devastation...

Uh.. methinks you kernel of such destruction....

Me? I have memory blank!  Like you...I remember gnothing! 

Regard power hedge trimmers near your feet.... and ...it ... smoking...!

Agh! Verily you correct -- smoking hedge trimmer....!

Missing mnemosyne

Oh Mother of Muses and Memory! Yet cloudy up inside brains from shock at head. Truly I know not self.  Verily, even I not certain of you...

Me?? Ah haha me? Still I trusted...

Someway I just not feeling the love... loud brain part warning against trust for you...Such woe to loosen memory. Even hood feeling mist!

Amnesia

One month you amnesiac, Greta.  Collect and proceed!  Chop chop!

Verily, I linger so memory clouded...partial recalling you approach...i reverse...reverse...

No no Greta, exert gnot with memory attempts... relaaaaaax... go forward, not back....

Distinctly I remember you approach me... i reverse.... and then....

No no no Greta, we look for ward, not behind!  Continue at future we must!

Treed again

Plethora fooies, Irene make heavy arrival.

Truly we gnuisanced under fallen branch! Such luck we gnot sustaining injurious damages.

Twice times 2011 we captivating under fallen tree branch!

Mayhap we cleave force and together push for uncumberment...

Mayhap we call SOS for rescue...

Irene, Greta, and Vladimir

Manny fooies on such undignifiedness we suffer for hurricaning!  Truly we dis-appreciate bungle-cording of we.

I vague from memory skip still after fall... but yes we appear quite battened!

Still I make profession of opinions for which we help protect against hurricaning.  Release we for hurricane help for disasterish consequencing!

The Return of the Gnative

W-w-what happen?  I faint?  Ohhhh, I some bit ache...

Oh Greta... you...uh... you slip ... you make fall but... I catch to help you... you survive small brush with gravity.  You project robust health now, yes?  All ok?

Hmm... I feel memories return as also I return...

No No! Spend no attention to such memories... you still some bit not all here... see I still see through you!

Richter Gnome

Earth Trembling - punishment for mishap of Greta.  Verily I make plethora pennances! 
Woe of contrite Vladimir with sobering pledges!

Is there a doctor in the house?

Speak at me Greta....!  Hello?  You in there?  I make much concern for you!

Quick find us our magic spell book...

Return back.... revive!  I make all out to you! 

Ach with magical medicals we revive her....

I arrive at rescue for you...!
я действительно жаль. возвратитесь я никогда не плохо себя веду снова...

Gnome Overboard

Uh oh. Greta...? Speak to us, Greta!  Small mishap gnot intentioned...  Greta?  Greta?  Truly I make plethora sorries at you... please to say some small words for reassuring and forgiving... oh Greta, I much heartfull sorries!

Gno Exit

Truly, Greta, you foil me with annoying preventions! You flea at my side!

Thorn in side... approach gnot or we give up to gravity both

Don't Make Me Come Out There!!!

Oh we SO ground now!

Look what you do!

No look what you do!

No, you....!

Tug o War

Stop!!!!

You stop!

No you stop!

I stop if you stop!

You stop first!

No you stop first!

Catch me if you Can!

Truly, you infurious, Vladimir!  You tangle me purposely!

Gnot at all - I sharing as we agree! You hold hose and I hold Power Washer. We co Operation!

This not co Operation! You demobilize me and take your way with Power Washer!  Arrest your dashing!  My turn is come!

Gnegotiating

We return to good grace after much penitentiaries and access birthday gift of Power Washer.

We make turns for first usage... methinks *I* initiate...

No, *I* hold as *you* activate water power!

Truly *I* more responsible party for controlling power washer.

No, *I* experience of Power Tools so...

Aggh we be Ground again if we gnot cooperate.

OK.  We cooperate.  *I* use first..

Down on the Farm

Regard our bounteous harvest! Certain now we return forgiven!

Hmmm. Methinks we find some few tomato fruits in your tummy! Truly more plethora of tomato fruits than here!

Ah but they green and small and hard.  And gnot tasty....

Ah HA, i suspect truth!

Plantation Gnomes

We toil in hot sun for garden harvest... sweatings sting eyes...

Vladimir you so drama. We atone "our" (*ahem*) misbehavings to escape DogHouse.

Mayhap we sing peasant songs to ease work load...! Bag powerful heavy...song arriving in throat...назад в былые времена...

Please not to s--Hey, what the -- you eat! You sneak snacks!

Ah..heh heh...tiny taste for crop acceptableness. I quality control!

Ha more we need you Quantity control! I check bag!

Gnomes Unplugged

We much boring in Dog House. And dark! Necessitate we compensations for return of good graces.

Fortuitous idea! We wood chip for pulverize yard wastes, yes!?

No! Power Tool lust causation of us trouble.  Mayhap we harvest vegetable garden...

We assume hedge trimmers and massacre rampant shrubberies?

NO! No Power Tool activities. Only manual methodologies.

Mayhap we use our manuals to ignition Power Tools....

Gnomes in the Dog House

Oh we shamed! We hang hoods in contritely mortificating!

We some bit unfairly shamed...truly small disagreeing for sharing...

We selves in Dog House in Time Out! We exhausting from chase and we punished and we have confiscating Power Washer! We woeful miserable.

Mayhap I stealthy retrieve Power Washer while gnobody gnotice!

No, Vladimir! You badly behaving suffer us already and incur us ire! We must do amending penances and curry favours for absolvement!